Brandon Judell
Assault on Precinct 13
Jean-François Richet’s updating of John Carpenter’s "Assault on Precinct 13" (1976), will no doubt have a hell of a trailer. From the superb opening five minutes where two undercover cops are stylishly slaughtered by drug dealers to the rest of the shoot-‘em-up-every-four-minute barrages, the footage here is a trailer editor’s wet dream. Luckily, he won’t have to deal with the connective plot tissue that’s more deadly than the ever-boomeranging bullets.
First of all, may I state I never saw the original, so I’ll quote from a bbc.co.uk.com rave: “. . . In essence, the core reason this film works so well is that it is so unpredictable, ruthless and without reason.” Now who couldn’t love a flick “without reason”?
It should also be noted that John Carpenter based his screenplay on Howard Hawks’ "Rio Bravo" (1959), a so-so, mildly amusing western starring John Wayne, Dean Martin, Angie Dickinson, and Ricky Nelson. Yes, Ozzie’s boy.
Which brings us back to the current plot: It’s New Year’s Eve in Detroit, there’s a hell of a snowstorm outside, and the ready-to-be-demolished Precinct 13 will be padlocked the following day. Quite naturally there’s hardly any staff on site. Only Sergeant Jake Roenick (Ethan Hawke), a former undercover cop now on desk duty who’s extremely depressed; Iris Ferry (Drea de Matteo), the station’s secretary who only beds criminals and looks like a hooker; plus the sweet, old, retiring cop Jasper O’Shea (Brian Dennehy).
Well, before you can toot a horn, a police bus loaded with four criminals arrives, detoured from its original destination because of the blizzard. The most ruthless hood among the passengers is the debonair crime kingpin and police killer Marion Bishop (Laurence Fishburne). He and the rest of the quartet are quickly locked up, and the cops are again celebrating the end of the year. But not for long. You see Precinct 13 is surrounded by armed, masked killers. Oh, no! Do these rats want to help meanie Bishop escape or kill him? And why are they planning to wipe out everyone they come across? To tell you any more would spoil your fun in figuring out the plot on your own 20 minutes into the film.
Also fun are Roenick’s glamorous shrink (Maria Bello) who analyzes him in a low-cut dress, and Drea’s makeup that seems to have been applied with a trowel. These gals hopefully have given the worst performances of their careers here. If there are more dreadful ones in their closets, don’t tell me.
As for the rest, Hawke is fine when he isn’t smirking; Dennehy gives solid line readings every once in awhile; and Fishburne avoids embarrassing himself. Gabriel Byrne as a cop has hit a new low, while John Leguizamo, Aisha Hinds, and Jeffrey “Ja Rule” Atkins are satisfactory hoods. The snow, however, seemed artificial in several key scenes, but was quite convincing as ground cover.
In the end, if you need a quick fix of lots of noise, several crashes, numerous bullets- through-the-forehead close-ups, and a cast of slumming talents, run to your nearest Loews. [Judell]
Copyright © Brandon Judell 2005
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